I got up around 1 P.M., and left the house about an hour later. I felt quite alright (not at all anxious, and not really even nervous). I arrived at the Parnassia complex right on time for my appointment at 14:45.
Sort off. Only, this time, I initially missed the bus (I looked the other way and is raced by). I got a tram a few minutes later, and somehow managed to catch up with the bus (the bus is faster, but takes a longer route), allowing me to be on time anyway.
My meeting with Jansen (psychotherapist) was a lot more pleasant; I was far more relaxed, he seemed less offensive (which I now realize was a way of him to have me open up on certain things), and he explained some things about how I function that I wouldn't have guessed—opening doors for me that I didn't even know that could be opened. He's very smart and very good at what he does.
One particular thing he explained was concerning my anxiety attacks: The thing is (in a Zipped nutshell) that I appear to have trouble getting in touch with my emotions. This causes me to feel confused, uncomfortable and insecure when I feel something I cannot place—a feeling of uncertainty, offense, but even of extreme happyness. Because I don't know what it is (and therefor not know how to deal with it, let alone act to it), I freak out. When my bio-rythm is off, or I'm under a lot of stress (which two go hand in hand), I'm weaker and more prone to be overwhelmed by emotions I cannot deal with.
This and many, many more things (mainly problems, but also some positive things) are caused by my strong and apparent attention disorder. A list that he had my mother and I fill in about current and past behaviour, and my reports from primary school (and what a lot of the teachers from back then had written about me) only emphasize this.
He thinks that any more psychological testing is, well... a waste of time. He's going to set up an appointment with their section that is specialized in ADHD (which happens to be acknowledged as one of the—if not the—best in the world). He said they're going to offer all kinds of modules of which they think are appropriate. He said I won't need them all because I've already solved some of the common problems ADHD people
deal with (always being late, for one) on my own (not in the last place because of my creativity). He said I can get rid of those by saying I don't have time for them or don't want them or whatever, but not tell them I don't need them because I solved it on my own. It's one thing he's explained I've got to learn also; let people that cover a certain position think what they want (though I can continue to take their words with a grain of salt when they're wrong). Actually... I think that's exactly one of the things I've already addressed on my own.
It's great to hear that there's people out there that sort of know what I'm going throught, and supposedly have the ability and resources to help me. One thing that didn't sound quite as exciting was that it's not going to work if I don't start taking medication (Methylphenidate), and I'm not a big fan of medication. Then again, this drug is a stimilant (like caffeine, speed, cocaine), so that's not too bad, I guess. *grins*
Anyway. The ADHD specialist are going to be sending me an invitational letter, and then we get the whole in-take routine again... only longer (three hours).
I thanked Mr. Jansen, wished him happy holidays, and headed to the bus with a smile on my face. I got out at my stop, but didn't go home: I took the tram to town instead. I don't even remember everything I did, but I got home with two very nice pure silk ties; one black and white, and one white.
At home, I talked about my (good) visit with my mother and grandmother. They were very happy to hear the things I had to tell them. I was not so happy to hear the best actor of all time had passed away (R.I.P). I was cheered up by finding some people I know from primary and high school that I haven't seen or heard from for many years on this great (Dutch) site; SchoolBANK, and by listening to Reality (I think I've heard it 6 times today).
As usual, the rest of the day was spend on my homecourt (with lots of people).