Weblog entries posted on this day.
I got up around 1 P.M., and left the house about an hour later. I felt quite alright (not at all anxious, and not really even nervous). I arrived at the Parnassia complex right on time for my appointment at 14:45.
Sort off. Only, this time, I initially missed the bus (I looked the other way and is raced by). I got a tram a few minutes later, and somehow managed to catch up with the bus (the bus is faster, but takes a longer route), allowing me to be on time anyway.
My meeting with Jansen (psychotherapist) was a lot more pleasant; I was far more relaxed, he seemed less offensive (which I now realize was a way of him to have me open up on certain things), and he explained some things about how I function that I wouldn't have guessed—opening doors for me that I didn't even know that could be opened. He's very smart and very good at what he does.
One particular thing he explained was concerning my anxiety attacks: The thing is (in a Zipped nutshell) that I appear to have trouble getting in touch with my emotions. This causes me to feel confused, uncomfortable and insecure when I feel something I cannot place—a feeling of uncertainty, offense, but even of extreme happyness. Because I don't know what it is (and therefor not know how to deal with it, let alone act to it), I freak out. When my bio-rythm is off, or I'm under a lot of stress (which two go hand in hand), I'm weaker and more prone to be overwhelmed by emotions I cannot deal with.
This and many, many more things (mainly problems, but also some positive things) are caused by my strong and apparent attention disorder. A list that he had my mother and I fill in about current and past behaviour, and my reports from primary school (and what a lot of the teachers from back then had written about me) only emphasize this.
He thinks that any more psychological testing is, well... a waste of time. He's going to set up an appointment with their section that is specialized in ADHD (which happens to be acknowledged as one of the—if not the—best in the world). He said they're going to offer all kinds of modules of which they think are appropriate. He said I won't need them all because I've already solved some of the common problems ADHD people
deal with (always being late, for one) on my own (not in the last place because of my creativity). He said I can get rid of those by saying I don't have time for them or don't want them or whatever, but not tell them I don't need them because I solved it on my own. It's one thing he's explained I've got to learn also; let people that cover a certain position think what they want (though I can continue to take their words with a grain of salt when they're wrong). Actually... I think that's exactly one of the things I've already addressed on my own.
It's great to hear that there's people out there that sort of know what I'm going throught, and supposedly have the ability and resources to help me. One thing that didn't sound quite as exciting was that it's not going to work if I don't start taking medication (Methylphenidate), and I'm not a big fan of medication. Then again, this drug is a stimilant (like caffeine, speed, cocaine), so that's not too bad, I guess. *grins*
Anyway. The ADHD specialist are going to be sending me an invitational letter, and then we get the whole in-take routine again... only longer (three hours).
I thanked Mr. Jansen, wished him happy holidays, and headed to the bus with a smile on my face. I got out at my stop, but didn't go home: I took the tram to town instead. I don't even remember everything I did, but I got home with two very nice pure silk ties; one black and white, and one white.
At home, I talked about my (good) visit with my mother and grandmother. They were very happy to hear the things I had to tell them. I was not so happy to hear the best actor of all time had passed away (R.I.P). I was cheered up by finding some people I know from primary and high school that I haven't seen or heard from for many years on this great (Dutch) site; SchoolBANK, and by listening to Reality (I think I've heard it 6 times today).
As usual, the rest of the day was spend on my homecourt (with lots of people).
I got up around 1 P.M., and left the house about an hour later. I felt quite alright (not at all anxious, and not really even nervous). I arrived at the Parnassia complex right on time for my appointment at 14:45.
I went to the desk to announce my arrival. They checked the roster, but my appointment was not on it—hell, the guy I was supposed to have an oppointment with wasn't even there. Wait... it's the second, right?
Hmm... no, that would be tomorrow.
It appeared that when I looked on the calendar on my desktop last night, it was already past mightnight—hence, it would still be the same day after my 8 hours sleep, and not a day later. D'oh!
Oh well, the weather was nice, and I had a fine day ahead of me. A day, on which I could take care of some things I wanted to do.
First, I went home to pick up my basketball. Then I went to town to look for CDs (but didn't get any). After that, I took a tram to where I had played basketball the day before, in order to meet up with the girl that supposedly has a copy of a movie I co-worked on years ago at her work (which is a club house/youth center). We did meet up, but she didn't have the movie. Not there anyway. She tried to reach some guy that does, but no luck on that.
It was nice to be there though. The girl and her co-workers talked about activities they do with kids from the neighborhood, and what nice plans they've got in stock. They asked me whether I'd be available to give internet and website workshops for kids, or the like. I said that (if my schedule allows it) I'd be up for it, and that I'll try to get some other people from the industry to join me. It seems like a nice challenge.
They also talked about their good relations with a neighboring school, and that said school allows them to use the sports hall for free. They asked me whether me and my basketball peepz' would have use for it. Boy would we ever. I told them I can get the place stuffed on any given day. They'll try to arrange something and give me a call when they know more.
Since it was in the neighborhood (and I didn't really have got anything to do), I decided to pay a friend of mine a visit at his place (hadn't been there for ages). Apparently he had been planning to pay me a visit later that day. (There's Mr. Coincidence again.) I had fun playing with his girlfriend's little boy, and it was good to see his dad again (had been ages aswell). After a couple of hours we headed to town together.
First we went to Media Markt because I wanted to finally pick up the special tour edition of Reality (for real this time), and I did! I also finally picked up a scart cable so that we can watch DVD's in the living room.
We had been pretty much starving ever since we left his house, but picking up my 16th (!) Bowie album seemed more important, somehow. When the album was in my pocket, I could feel my hunger again, and we went for dinner at the lunch room section of a Chinese restaurant
(their Babi Pangang is pretty good, and at a good price, too).
After dinner, we payed a quick visit to the super market, and went to Central Station. My friend took a tram to some cousin, and I went to play 'ball at a court nearby. Because there was nobody there, I left pretty quickly and decided to play 'ball at my home court.
Tomorrow, I'll try me appointment again.
This day, elsewhere.