Weblog: June 2, 2004

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June 2nd Resolution.

Posted
June 2 2004

Many years ago (I don't know what year it was, exactly), my January 1st resolution for the next year was to never have a January 1st resolution. So far, I have managed to stick to it. However, the resolution said nothing about the remaining 364 days of a regular calendar year. I therefor now present to you; my June 2nd Resolution. Let's just hope it'll work out as good as the other one.

The subject of my resolution is my health; and factors that influence it directly. As some of you know, I've been suffering from depression and anxiety for a good nine months now, which caused me to quit school, destroyed most of my social life, and just plain sucks in general. It's beyond obvious that I want to get out of this situation (preferably not getting into a worse one), and I've been taking steps to accomplish just that. (Hence my visits to Parnassia.) Recent events raise the level of urgency though, asking for more drastic measurments.

One event in particular that I want/need to be ready for is, the Bowie concert I'm attending with my dad on June 14! This is important for me for so many reasons, it's not even funny. I cannotwill not have this event (of a life time) be spoiled for me for whatever reason. This alone requests a plan that should initiate now in order to feel better in two weeks from now.

The fromer is not the only reason though. Another trigger has been provided by my mom tonight and by my latest psychologist last week: they both stated the painfull but obvious truth that my life currently sucks. Thanks a lot people, that hurt like a bitch... but I'm afraid you're right. Other reasons that seem particularly relevant are:

So here I am—no more mister weak guy—I have to take matters into my own hands now since it doesn't look like things are planning to change by themselves. But, enough ranting... on to the resolutions—presented in the form of a (o)list:

  1. Get up early: It doesn't have be six o'clock right away and every day, but I shouldn't stay in bed untill I think I might not feel that terrible now—just get out of bed. Goal in one week should be to get up between 8 and 11, every day.
  2. Go to bed accordingly: Going to bed when most people go to work just is not healthy. Besides, going to bed around 7/8 A.M. and getting up about an hour later is not going to work very long, I reckon.
  3. Do things: Sounds too obvious to be true, but it seems to work for people with a similar condition. Sure, anxiety attacks are about the most unpleasant emotions man can have—they're not lethal—they're not a reason to not attend normal things.
  4. Get some pills: Surely, I can'tdon't want to rush the people at Parnassia to prescribe medication (I want proper diagnosis first), so it might take some time (if ever) before I get to see any antidepressant. I do, however, want some tranquilizers for when I get anxious when I really mustn't (read: Bowie concert). My psychologist told me I should ask my doctor... so call him.
  5. Think happy thoughts: Now I'm just getting silly... Or am I? In various conversations with various psychologists the question was raised wheather I was thinking doom-scenarios, or at least very nagitive. I assumed I didn't; I payed attention to it; I do; stop doing that.

So there you have it. I would probably laugh at these things in non-depressed periods in my life, but now they seem rather heroic... which is rediculous and all the more reason to start. Starting now.

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