Yesterday, I didn't kick as much ass as I though I would. Not on the real court anyway. I did kick a lot of ass in the digital world, but that's not half as much fun. Oh well.
Today I had another appointment with psychologist Dr. Sibie at Parnassia. The appoitment was set for 3P.M. — I woke up at 2:30. Sigh.
I arrived about half an hour late, but apparently not too late to have a session.
Actually, it wasn't really a session — it was more of a keep in touch thingy to close the gap between two test sessions with two specialized psychiatrists that are rather far apart.
Like every time, I was less anxious on my way there than the previous (which was about three weeks ago). Our conversation went pretty smooth. I talked about being able to go out, my rythm (obviously) being messed up a little again, and how much I enjoy playing basketball. She gave me tips on how to adjust my rythm and that I would benefit from it. These things are obvious, but sometimes somebody needs to push the facts in my face.
Before I left, I told her I'll be going to a Bowie concert on June 14th, and that I want something to make sure I'll be able to relax if I were to have an anxiety attack. She said I can contact my doctor about that and that — if I explain my situation — he'll provide me some tranquilizer.
When I left, I felt pretty good. On my way back, I received a call from Loesje, asking me if I wanted to join her and Maarten for a drink at the Zwarte Ruiter. Since I was feeling quite good, I didn't see why not, and went straight to the Grote Markt.
When I arrived at the Zwarte Ruiter, Loesje and Maarten weren't there yet. I joked around with the bartender (Elco) a bit, ordered a cappuccino, and just sat there enjoying the music. Only several minutes later, my friends arrived. They ordered some coffee, and we went upstairs.
We talked about everything and nothing, and were just enjoying ourselves like I've done with so many people, so many times (there's been times I went to a bar at least once a day). All of a sudden — out of nowhere — I started getting nervous. Tension mounted in my mind and body, just like how it started
about 8 months ago (ironically enough, I was sitting at the table next to where I was sitting back then).
Even though I was completely aware of what was going on (after all, I had been talking about it with a psychologist less than an hour earlier), I couldn't control it. Emotion owns the ratio. I told my friends I was sorry, was feeling like shit, and was going home. They — being aware of my situation — said it was ok, I should take it easy, and wished me to get better.
I went outside (which was refreshing — I immediately felt a bit better), and headed towards Bakkersplein to shoot some hoops and set my mind off of things. There were a bunch of young people there that I know with whom I then played some very low profile basketball. After an hour or so, Enrique arrived, and proposed to head towards Tram 2 Court. I went home to make and pack some sandwiches and we went on our way.
When I arrived at the other court I was feeling completely normal,
and would be up for some serious 'ball. Unfortunately, there was nobody there (save some people that obviously haven't touched a basketball all that often). We goofed around for about two hours or so and headed home.
So, yeah, that was the day of the fifth visit to Parnassia. A positive day in some aspect, but it really pisses me the fuck off that it went wrong again when I was simply trying to have a good time with some friends. I can't have this shit when I'm seeing Bowie.
2 comments so far.
Hope everything works out for you. :')
Posted by: James on May 12, 2004, at 03:05
Hope everything works out for you. :')
Yeah, me too. You could help out a little by buying me stuff. :p
Posted by: ACJ on May 12, 2004, at 03:58