Last night I had trouble catching sleep again. I was laying in my bed with a head full of angst and choas for hours. It sucks (well, obviously) — especially since some friends had invited me to join them to Paard van Troje the next night (which is right now). I was really looking forward to it, but when I've had a night like this, I know there's little chance I feel any good the next day.
When I finally woke up today, I didn't feel that bad: mainly because I could remember this extremely cool basketball outfit that I saw in my dream and am planning to —at least— put on paper. The weather was not too great, I was still kind of tired, and there was nobody home besides me. I didn't feel any reason to get out of bed, and so I stayed in bed for several hours, watching Rex Hunt's Fishing Adventures (it's one of those shows I can only remotely enjoy when I'm depressed... no offense, Rexy).
When I finally did get out of bed, I didn't feel too great, I was still by myself, and the weather turned real bad when Mikey asked me to play some basketball outside via MSN Messenger. Blargh.
The day didn't stay quite as sucky as it had started off though. My mom came home with a present; a 2 CD set with the Brandenburg Concertos of Johann Sebastian Bach, and made some dinner. Meanwhile the weather had turned a bit better, and even though it was already dark, Mikey asked me to come outside again. My first reaction was Are you crazy?
but I went outside anyway.
I don't know what sucks more: staying home all day, and then when you finally get the chance to shoot some hoops, you notice you're having a basketball off-day; or staying home all day, and then when you finally get the chance to shoot some hoops, you notice you would have played well that day. This time it was the latter — the shots kept dropping, and I wished I would been able to go play earlier.
When I was shooting hoops, I felt pretty good and figured I'd be up for a drink in town, and perhaps even a bit of dancing, so I switched on my cellular phone. I instanly received 3 SMS messages and two missed calls. It's nice to know people still think about me on thursday night. :)
It was around eleven when I decided to get home, wash up, get dressed (tux and tie), and head into town. My mom somehow seemed offended by this since she seems to believe I only get depressed with her around, and can socialize fine with others, while the opposite is actually closer to the truth.
On my way to town, I ran into Peter Verheul (my letter design professor at the Royal Academy of Arts). He asked me whether I was going out. I felt kind of uncomfortable saying yes, since it's hard to explain that I'm too sick to attend school
but not too sick to go dancing
, so I said I was only going for a drink and wasn't too sure about the dancing part (which is true). As usual he was more supporting than I could possibly imagine (which most people are, when I'm depressed), and provided all kinds of reasons why I should go dancing. I said he had provided to some nice reasons and I would consider it. He wished me good health and a good night and went on his way.
My first target in town was my favorite bar: the Zwarte Ruiter (where I used to go on a daily base, and now... never), but I didn't see anyone I knew (or wanted to talk to, rather). I decided to go to Paard van Troje to see if my friends happend to be waiting in line (of which there's always a big chance). When I didn't see anyone in line, I figured I'd check at one more place (which is the Boterwaag) because I always know people there (the people behind the bar, for starters).
Just when I was about to take step towards the Boterwaag, Herline called, asking me whether I was on for tonight. I let her know I wasn't too sure about dancing, but that I was looking forward to have a drink or two in town. We agreed to meet up at the Boterwaag.
I got there first (after running into Vanessa) and ordered an Jus d'Orange, instead of my usual Single Malt Scotch. I think I got a discount on it, even though I don't think I had seen this particular bartender's face before. He probably noticed that I greeted two other workers. It was very crowded and noisy, but I think that was mostly me. I drank my drink and decided to wait for Herline outside and get some air.
It wasn't long before Herline showed up, and we went back inside. It appeared I had missed some other students from the Academy who were already inside, so we joined their table. After a minute or so, Torsten stopped by also. It was very good to see these people again, and very nice of them to try to get me to join them to Paard van Troje, but it was too stressing for me in this condition. I agreed to meet up with them again — during the day — for some coffee next week, and went home.
Here I am, writing this, and not dancing like people that know me (even if only a little bit) are used to. I don't feel half bad though. I've at least tasted
the night life again, and though it was bit scary, it tasted good. I'm sure and destined to win this battle
.
Oh, yeah... the notes... right. Here they are:
View → Use Style → Mirror to Heaven 5. Additionaly; if you have JavaScript and cookies enabled, the style will be applied to most pages, and the setting will be stored in a cookie on your computer.Fight terrorism, please.We discovered he will not kick over the television set nor turn off the lights, though. I'd fire him if I could.
:(7 comments so far.
Yay. :D Thanks for the link to my deviantions. :) I like your new header for your weblog, too.
Posted by: Murdoink on April 10, 2004, at 21:12
No problem. The new header is a cut out from one of the pictures from a photoshoot by Tessa, for which I modeled.
Posted by: ACJ on April 10, 2004, at 22:23
I know plz. I also glad you added some colors to the site. :)
Posted by: Murdoink on April 11, 2004, at 05:22
Color? No such Thing. Must be a glitch.
Posted by: ACJ on April 11, 2004, at 08:19
Maybe there's been so many time since I last visited your site. :P
Posted by: Murdoink on April 11, 2004, at 23:58
James loves M2H.
Posted by: James on April 12, 2004, at 02:22
James is a lier.
Posted by: Murdoink on April 13, 2004, at 00:15