Weblog entries posted on this day.
I went to bed around 9AM yesterday. I was woken by my mother around 6PM for dinner. I'm in my old (bad) rhythm again.
The reason that I've been staying up all night is (besides the obvious depression and all) the fact that I've been working on a piece of (digital) art. It's not finished yet, and I'm not entirely sure whether it will ever be finished... or whether it can be finished, for that matter. I think it's deviantART that's been an inspiration to start working on some visual expression again. I've been browsing through a lot of galleries, and have been discussing work of myself and others.
After dinner, I felt pretty good, and decided to go shoot some hoops (what else is new). I went to Bakkersplein, where Mikey, Enrique, and a shitload of kids were already playing. Enrique proposed to attend this indoor basketball thing that appears to be taking place every Monday and Tuesday. I accepted, and we (Enrique, Mikey, and I) went on our way.
First, we went to Central Station to meet up with Samual who was also supposed to be going. We waited inside the station, where several people approached us, commenting on the basketball tricks we were doing. When several minutes had past beyond the time we were supposed to meet up, we decided to go and catch a tram outside and meet Samual at the destination point.
When we (Enrique, Mikey, and I) were waiting for the tram, we fooled around, doing all kinds of basketball tricks, and noticed that more and more familiar faces � faces of people have played against before � were appearing at the tram stop.
While the ball was spinning on my fingers, I looked around, and then it hit me: across the street � at the other stop � I saw the longest legs under the best butt I'd (ever?) seen. It wasn't too long � probably a split second � before I realized it was not the first time I saw these, though. Time stood still as she slowly turned around. There was no eye-contact, but I could see her face: it was her. The first time I've seen my ex since... well... she's been my ex, I guess. That's nearly two years.
I was looking forward to finally play some indoor basketball again, especially since I was going to see a lot of nice players that I haven't seen since last summer or longer. I really was not in the mood to have some oppressive and superartificial... anything... with my ex. It actually irritated me a little that she there. A weird experience since the only emotions that I've known, triggerd at her sight thusfar, have been those of love
, in-love
and sex
.
I decided to quickly turn around, making this situation less uncomfortable for — probably � the both of us, and notify Enrique and Mikey about her presence. Not a very nice thing do, I reckon, but frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.
She took the first tram in the opposite direction. When Enrique convinced me that she had really left, I turned around, and forgot about it.
When our tram finally arrived (late), I noticed that about half of the people that were on it, were people I have played basketball against at some point. This meant a lot of potential competition, but also a lot of potential ass-kicking from our side.
Even though I was looking forward to it either way, I started to have some anxiety mounting up on me during the ride. I hear you thinking, and it crossed my mind also, but I don't think it has anything today with my ex... at all. I think it's the fact that my bio-rhythm died again, and I haven't been a big fan of trams and trains lately.
When we had reached our destination, I was feeling really sick. I communicated this to Mikey and Enrique (who are aware of my condition), and said I was going home. They pursued me to stay by reminding me that I sometimes get better when I start playing. I agreed to at least give it a shot.
I changed clothes, grabbed a ball, and entered the hall. The sight was somewhat overwhelming. I hadn't played any indoor sports for about a year, so I'm no longer used to witness dozens of big men changing a lot of energy on three full courts.
By no means, however, was I intimidated by this sight. If anything, I was inspired. I didn't want to witness this: I wanted to be a part of it. I was destined to accomplish just that.
I've played three games in total and sat two out, over a period of two full hours. I didn't get a lot of ball contact for some reason, but I wasn't playing half bad. Most of my shots were dropping, and you don't have to be an expert to understand that's a good thing... if you are an expert, however, you realize that this is a very good thing.
Not to sound cocky, but I was actually quite disappointed by the level of gameplay overall — especially from guys that I've known for some time. Perhaps it's because Enrique and I have kept up on our game since last summer, throughout the cold days. These guys will probably light up again when the season is high... I think.
It's moments like this that I realize I really am looking forward to summer. I'm gonna' try to get up at least a bit earlier tomo-day, and catch at least some sunlight.
In other news: Fragile Mind and friend Brandon M. Booth is now officially leaving us. We haven't seen a lot his digital presence for some time now, but he's announced (for members only) that his real life
(read: girlfriend) is what he'll be focussing on � he is going to move to a new apartment with his girlfriend Cara. I widh him the best of luck with his love, life, and future endeavors... I salute you, assfaggot! =(
This day, elsewhere.