Today (or yesterday, technically), I had my second appointment with Dr. Sibie at the Parnassia complex. I was pretty anxious at night, and I was not able to catch any sleep. I was a bit hypomanic, but I wasn't feeling too bad actually.I experienced less anxiety on my trip than the first time.
My conversation with Dr. Sibie was very good — at least I experienced it as such — better even, than the first time. I was surprised how capable I showed to be to express my feelings, and define what things I want to change. I don't think it would have helped if I had done this sooner — there's no way I would have been able to find the words I have been using now.
She did see all (or most of) the signs of depression and anxiety attacks, but she did not see a clear case of manic depression. However — taking into account the fact that my father has exactly the same symptomes, and that he's been diagnosed with just that — she's going to set up an appointment with the psychiatrist, so that he can see if there's not something that could be overlooked.
In any event, we're going to work on managing the anxiety attacks, mainly because I've made clear that this (though it's a side-effect of something else: depression) is what I experience the most discomfort from. When I feel down, sick, and tired, I can still attend school, work, and social activities... when I experience anxiety attacks, I cannot.
After the session, I felt realy relieved. It was also an absolutely wonderfull day (first summer like spring day of the year, I'd say), which helped. It had all the signs of a potential good day. I went home, making plans on my way.
When I got home I got on MSN Messenger and talked to an old friend who's been living in Amsterdam for some time now: we agreed to play some ball soon. One of my best friends had some less positive news (understatement) — it appeared his girlfriend got arrested. I also talked to a guy that I know from the Academy. He produces awesome (experimental) music, and I decided to offer him a domain and hosting for his projects — more about this later. Last, I talked to Enrique: we agreed to play some ball at Tram 2 Court.
On our way to the playground, I received a call from two close friends: Dan-Vi and Roos — two of the people who have shown to be particulary supportive since this whole depression crap "took over". It was very good to hear from them, and they invited me for a drink in town. I agreed that I'd play ball for only an hour or so and would then come into town.
Enrique and I really did feel like playing, but the weather showed to be far too stifling — standing still would get you tired, let alone running and jumping. We hung around for an hour or so, and I went home to fresh up and get my ass to town.
The drink was great. I stayed away from the whiskey and the smoking, still, but apart from that everything appeared like it used to be — chitchatting with the people I love (not only the two girls, Jurriaan and Herline also joined), without really caring about anything. I think this was the first time in half a year or so, that I could go out the oldfashioned way: layed back.
I was also asked to go dancing at night (obviously... everybody always does that... and I'm the person to ask, normally), but I decided to take it easy (especially considering I hadn't slept all night). I did join Dan-Vi and Roos to some shopping for girl-stuff at H&M, which I hadn't done for a long time either. Dan-Vi got an awesome green hat.
By the way, I was confronted with the good ol' April 1st tradition by Dave and Doug, right after I woke up. It made me chuckle.